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Disclaimer: not everyone answering questions will be a medical professional. These articles about sex are to promote conversation, so if you agree or disagree with what we say, please feel free to leave it in the comments. This question was asked in person, so I’m going to paraphrase it: I’ve had other kinds of sex before, but somehow I’ve never gone down on someone with a vagina. Okay, reader who was brave enough to ask me this question in person, this one’s for you.

Discussion, much like sex, is a healthy part of life. And because I’ve done other stuff before, I feel like people I hook up with expect me to know how to do it. Consider it our follow-up to How To Have Lesbian Sex For the First Time (and yes, the language we choose for these headlines are chosen for search engine optimization reasons! And different vaginas like different things, which is why it’s hard for us to give you any across-the-board advice.

What is less sexy, though, is ceasing mouth-to-vulva contact because you have the equivalent of a charlie horse in your neck.

If you’re doing things traditionally, sliding a pillow under the receiver’s bum is a great way to raise their hips up so that you don’t have to gumby into bizarre positions.

Like anything else, it works for some people and not for others.

Unless your hookup/partner/person asks for something different, I usually default to my acting training here.

It doesn’t actually matter if you’ve gone down on zero vaginas or 103 — when you’re going down on someone for the first time, it’s as if you’ve never gone down on anyone before.

Tell them when they’ve hit the spot, or if they’re being too soft or too hard with you.

Your inexperience here is a complete non-issue in terms of skill.

(The only rule you need to know ahead of time is to be careful about where your teeth end up!

But I do recognize that sometimes practical tips need to exist, because confidence.

It’s easier to begin a road trip with a map, even if someone’s going to give you a few directions as you go.

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